Thursday, September 9, 2010

Yes, I'm going there. High School. Hardest thing I ever did.

I read an extremely touching post by Not Your Average Teen today. And I feel inspired to write my high school/adult saga out. I want to let you guys know I always haven't been this happy and giddy AND full of life. Brace yourself. I wrote an unusually long post today in reflection. I hope you can stay with me. :)
I am human.
Here it goes. High school was hell for me. That's me over there on the left. Graduation Day. I couldn't have been happier. You see I went to the "cliquest" (If that is even a word.) high school ever. There were the rich kids, the jocks, the smart kids, the losers, AND all of them or at least most of them anyway, had money. There parents let them drive the fanciest cars. I had to drive the family station wagon.  (Which I was very grateful, it was better than riding "the cheesemobile" (none other than the school bus) to school. I was teased. My sophomore year of high school I decided to dye me hair BACK to its original color. I am a blonde. I wanted to be a lighter blonde. So my mom bought me the stuff and we dyed my hair. Until we figured out when I sit in the sun my hair gets that same color WITHOUT the hair dye.
We went to a hair stylist. We tried to do back to the dirty brown hair that I had. hair went back to brown all right, with a twinge of green to it.
My mom made me go to high school that day. The more times I washed it the green would fade out the stylist said. UGH!
Well, for the rest of my high school days I was nicknamed "Green Hair" by a super cute football player jock.
I still remember his name. I won't mention him on my blog just in case he is "out there" somewhere. But he was merciless in teasing me.
I sat with a couple of friends at lunch every day. True friends. We didn't have a WHOLE ton of people to sit with but we had each other. When my friends were absent I often ate by myself.
I was never a size 6. I was a size 12-14. I never thought I was pretty. I had a couple of boys that liked me in high school. And I liked them. But for the most part I HATED high school. 
I hated feeling like I didn't belong. I hated feeling like I wasn't accepted. 
Then I went to college. First year I got all bookworm like and got straight A's. Second year I met H. She was popular with the boys and wanted me to meet some guys to date.
H gave me permission to show her face! YAY! :)
I loved H.  :) My bestest college friend.
But back to high school for a minute. I did one meet one boy who forever changed the way I felt about myself. J. (Again, not using the full name just in case.) J always called me beautiful. He would call me on school nights just to talk. We flirted and flirted. And unfortunately, we never actually dated. Want to know why?
I was afraid of what "other" kids might think because he wasn't one of the cool kids.
Stupid huh?
J made me believe I was beautiful by telling it to me every day he spoke to me. And pretty soon I started to believe it.  I am a firm believer of just that. Telling yourself every day that "I am beautiful." "I am funny." "I am a good friend." Pretty soon you will start to believe it. J did that for me.
So Brittany basically this WHOLE long post is to tell you I've been there before. I've been where you are. Heck sometimes I even now am down on myself. Am I a good enough housewife? How do I compare with the neighbor next door? Do they vacuum as often as I do?
It all boils down to one thing.
The ONE thing that got me thorough is my faith in God. He never let me down. He Hears my prayers. He can hear yours. I don't talk about this much on my blog, but if you are a smart chick you can probably pick it up. :) I am a Mormon.
No, I'm not in a cult. My husband doesn't have three other wives. I don't dress funny. (Well, most of the time anyway. LOL.) Have you seen me in the morning without makeup?

But I am Mormon. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yes it is quite a mouthful to say. One of my ultra-cool blog friends, Alexis blogged about this very same thing the other day. The being Mormon part. Not the being a nerd in high school part. That's just me. LOL.
The point I am trying to make is You are not alone. I've been there. I've cried. 
My blog is also a place I come to feel accepted and loved. I'm glad I started it. I hope I always want to blog.
So that is about it. I poured my heart out today and it is NOT even Wednesday. (Shell has a Pour your Heart out meme EVERY Wednesday.) I believe. Have you heard of it?
Thanks Brittany for writing the post you wrote today. It caused me to reflect upon my past and remember.
Even though I had to experience all that stuff back in high school, it MADE me the Cluttered Brain I am today. The one you love. Just admit it. You people like me.
Thanks for sticking around to read as much as you did. :) I appreciate it.
Cluttered Brain


Steph said...

Thanks for sharing such a deeply personal story.

I know my high school years were hellish... but for entirely different reasons. Aren't you glad you went through all of that to appreciate where you are now?

From Tracie said...

High School. I only did it for one year and three months. So.Not.Worth.It! Yuck! I think of high school as a training ground for hatred and meanness while waiting four years to go to college. (not that I went to college-lol-one day!)

I totally get the being afraid that J wasn't a cool kid thing. That sucks, but I get it. I went through that with someone. (NO names will be mentioned!) I love that he taught you affirmations so practically and showed you love so deeply even though you never had a "relationship" (of course thinking back to middle/high school relationships, maybe the fact that you never had one made those affirmations more special and last longer without the tarnish of relationship drama form those years-the toxic years!)

Anyway-I do love you my cluttered friend! For real! I like you too!

Yay for H! Best friends are a beautiful thing...just like you!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry your high school years were so yucky. It seems like many of us in Blogtown share this experience. Mine weren't *terrible* but I wouldn't call them the best years of my life either.

Thanks for sharing this story. I think it's ok to pour your heart out any day of the week!

Wendy Crowe said...

Wow..I could have written that entire blog myself. It's good to know you're not alone out there...that others have gone through the same thing, but it still that we had to go through it. But I have learned LOTS, I still fret over what others think, and I'm still learning. While I pray a lot, I'm a big believer in karma. Many who have made your life miserable in high school, have gotten nowhere in life themselves.

Wendy said...

High School had it's ups and downs, and I wasn't well liked simply because I was a Mormon. Actually... I think I'll post this thought comment into a blog post... thanks for the idea.

alexis said...

i had a weird high school experience--i went to four different schools, and a lot of it sucked. i haven't written a lot about that time, because it's kind of painful. it's awesome to read your story, though...thanks for the honesty.

Patty Ann said...

I always hated High School too! The never fitting in is so hard. Thank you for your post today. It reminded me that there are always others who have suffered through the same type of trials. Thank you for taking the time to let us know how a bad experience changed you for the better.

Brittney said...

of course life experiences shape and mold us into the lovable people we are today! I always say you gotta experience the bad to know what good is :)

One Cluttered Brain said...

And in case you are wondering..I do respond to you people..I reply through email not publicly on my blog...:) Thank YOU for ALL your sweet words today. It means so much!
THANK YOU my friends!

singedwingangel said...

See now you have inspired me to write my high school saga lol.. I think it would be cool if we all did it for Brittany.. to let her know she is not alone..

Beth Zimmerman said...

I love you, Tigger! Thanks for sharing this part of your story!

Garden of Egan said...

I loved reading your story.
I would have loved hanging out with you in high school.
I didn't hate high school, but I wouldn't want to go back.

T said...

oh you rock! I'm finally blog hopping late at night because I spent the day celebrating my son's birthday!

High School... I don't think I could ever go back... even though MY green hair was TOTALLY intentional ;) (nope, not kidding...)

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