Yes, I'm going there. High School. Hardest thing I ever did.

I read an extremely touching post by Not Your Average Teen today. And I feel inspired to write my high school/adult saga out. I want to let you guys know I always haven't been this happy and giddy AND full of life. Brace yourself. I wrote an unusually long post today in reflection. I hope you can stay with me. :)

I am human.

Here it goes. High school was hell for me. That's me over there on the left. Graduation Day. I couldn't have been happier. You see I went to the "cliquest" (If that is even a word.) high school ever. There were the rich kids, the jocks, the smart kids, the losers, AND all of them or at least most of them anyway, had money. There parents let them drive the fanciest cars. I had to drive the family station wagon.  (Which I was very grateful, it was better than riding "the cheesemobile" (none other than the school bus) to school. I was teased. My sophomore year of high school I decided to dye me hair BACK to its original color. I am a blonde. I wanted to be a lighter blonde. So my mom bought me the stuff and we dyed my hair. Until we figured out when I sit in the sun my hair gets that same color WITHOUT the hair dye.

We went to a hair stylist. We tried to do back to the dirty brown hair that I had. Well...eh...er...My hair went back to brown all right, with a twinge of green to it.

My mom made me go to high school that day. The more times I washed it the green would fade out the stylist said. UGH!

Well, for the rest of my high school days I was nicknamed "Green Hair" by a super cute football player jock.

I still remember his name. I won't mention him on my blog just in case he is "out there" somewhere. But he was merciless in teasing me.

I sat with a couple of friends at lunch every day. True friends. We didn't have a WHOLE ton of people to sit with but we had each other. When my friends were absent I often ate by myself.

I was never a size 6. I was a size 12-14. I never thought I was pretty. I had a couple of boys that liked me in high school. And I liked them. But for the most part I HATED high school. 

I hated feeling like I didn't belong. I hated feeling like I wasn't accepted. 

Then I went to college. First year I got all bookworm like and got straight A's. Second year I met H. She was popular with the boys and wanted me to meet some guys to date.

H gave me permission to show her face! YAY! :)

I loved H.  :) My bestest college friend.

But back to high school for a minute. I did one meet one boy who forever changed the way I felt about myself. J. (Again, not using the full name just in case.) J always called me beautiful. He would call me on school nights just to talk. We flirted and flirted. And unfortunately, we never actually dated. Want to know why?

I was afraid of what "other" kids might think because he wasn't one of the cool kids.

Stupid huh?

J made me believe I was beautiful by telling it to me every day he spoke to me. And pretty soon I started to believe it.  I am a firm believer of just that. Telling yourself every day that "I am beautiful." "I am funny." "I am a good friend." Pretty soon you will start to believe it. J did that for me.

So Brittany basically this WHOLE long post is to tell you I've been there before. I've been where you are. Heck sometimes I even now am down on myself. Am I a good enough housewife? How do I compare with the neighbor next door? Do they vacuum as often as I do?

It all boils down to one thing.

The ONE thing that got me thorough is my faith in God. He never let me down. He Hears my prayers. He can hear yours. I don't talk about this much on my blog, but if you are a smart chick you can probably pick it up. :) I am a Mormon.

No, I'm not in a cult. My husband doesn't have three other wives. I don't dress funny. (Well, most of the time anyway. LOL.) Have you seen me in the morning without makeup?

But I am Mormon. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yes it is quite a mouthful to say. One of my ultra-cool blog friends, Alexis blogged about this very same thing the other day. The being Mormon part. Not the being a nerd in high school part. That's just me. LOL.

The point I am trying to make is You are not alone. I've been there. I've cried. 

My blog is also a place I come to feel accepted and loved. I'm glad I started it. I hope I always want to blog.

So that is about it. I poured my heart out today and it is NOT even Wednesday. (Shell has a Pour your Heart out meme EVERY Wednesday.) I believe. Have you heard of it?

Thanks Brittany for writing the post you wrote today. It caused me to reflect upon my past and remember.

Even though I had to experience all that stuff back in high school, it MADE me the Cluttered Brain I am today. The one you love. Just admit it. You people like me.

Thanks for sticking around to read as much as you did. :) I appreciate it.

Cluttered Brain